Truth be told, I don’t have a go-to Christian song when I am struggling, at least not that you’d ever hear in church. Don’t get me wrong, I am a worship leader; I love church music from hymns to contemporary and everything in between. The lyrics are inspiring and moving, but rarely capture the heart of the struggle. As someone who has struggled with depression and bi-polar disorder, songs like “Oceans” by Hillsong, the hymn “It is Well With My Soul”, and the gospel song “He Never Failed Me Yet” are spiritually motivating and refreshing, but they don’t explore, in my opinion, the hard fought struggle of the issues we often face. I do not know why church music shys away from this. The Psalms, Job, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and many more are raw and genuine. Maybe it is because church music is corporate, and therefore has to be more generic. I was asked the other day what my go-to song was by a church person, and I know they were expecting a church answer. In all honesty though, the answers are “Not Today” – Twenty One Pilots, “Migraine” – Twenty One Pilots, and “Battle Symphony” – Linkin Park, amongst others. There are a few Christian ones, but definitely not “church music”.
These secular songs mentioned are real in laying out the struggle with deep seated depression, doubt, and self-worth. In each of the songs, an external person is required to pull the singer through. In “Not Today”, the singer is able to keep his inner demon at bay by:
“Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound” — opening up in honesty to the outside world for help.
In “Migraine”,
“And I will say that we should take a day to break away from all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone.” — A reminder that struggles do not have to be alone, and should not be fought alone.
“Battle Symphony”,
“They say that I don’t belong; say that I should retreat, that I’m marching to the rhythm of a lonesome defeat. But the sound of your voice puts the pain in reverse. No surrender, no illusions and for better or worse.”
In all scenarios, external intervention was required to overcome. This attitude would lend itself very well to adaptation in the church world, but I don’t hear it.
There are a few Christian songs that hit home with the personal struggle, and I do lean on those. They laud God’s work with us through the struggles, but you’d never hear them in church. “In My Room” – TFK (go listen to it), “Falls Apart” – TFK, “I See Red” – TFK, and numerous songs by the Christian rapper Lecrae all vent the real struggle in an authentic way, and come out victorious because of God’s grace, Christ’s love, and the Spirit’s power. I am convinced I would not still be following the Lord were it not for bands like TFK (Thousand Foot Krutch), Skillet, Stellar Kart, and Lecrae.
This odd juxtaposition of generic, though inspiring, themes in church music starkly contrast the authors of Scripture who pour out their struggles in prayer and psalms. I know the purpose of worship music is just that: worship of God. That purpose often manifests in songs of testimony to what the Lord has done. Doubt, depression, and self-worth are all deep seated human issues, and the Lord has brought us all, and certainly myself, out of those pitfalls, or is working with us in those; myself included. That is testimony right there. That is praise. That is worship. Often, songs will mention, in the past tense, God gave the victory, but don’t mention, often enough, the difficulty of the struggle. This leads to people feeling like they are second rate Christians when they are struggling with these things–sometimes chronically. The Biblical authors address this deep struggle as well. Asaph in Psalm 73 (look it up), all of Job (hone in on chapter 19), Paul in Romans 7 (especially the back half), all get real about the struggle. The grace of God is not the alleviation from troubles, but alleviation in troubles.
The church ought not let the bards of the world speak better to triumph over hard-fought struggles than the muses of the Spirit. Part of that requires being open and honest about the difficulty of our struggles, or no one will feel led to reflect that in worship music. Two songs have encouraged me to do just that “Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots, and, to the church’s defense, “Truth Be Told” by Matthew West. As mentioned earlier, one important way the singer in “Not Today” overcomes wallowing in depression and self-doubt is:
“Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound” — opening up to the outside world in an honest way. In “Truth Be Told”, Matthew West states the very sentiment I am preaching:
“Lie number one: you’re supposed to have it all together,
And when they ask how you’re doing
Just smile and tell them, “Never better”.
Lie number two: everybody’s life is perfect except yours,
So keep your messes, and your wounds,
And your secrets safe with you behind closed doors.
Truth be told,
The truth is rarely told.
I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine, oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine, but I’m not–
I’m broken.
And when it’s out of control I say it’s under control, but it’s not–
And you know it.
I don’t know why it’s so hard to admit it,
When being honest is the only way to fix it.
There’s no failure, no fall
There’s no sin you don’t already know,
So let the truth be told.”
That is a breath of fresh air. I struggle, and we often feel a pressure in the church to “keep (our) messes and (our) wounds
And (our) secrets safe with (us) behind closed doors”, but “being honest is the only way to fix it”. Being honest with ourselves, in psychology or spirituality, is the first step to recovery. When we are honest that struggles are a struggle, and God pulls us through, all the more gratitude and praise will be due. So let the truth be told.
Epiphany from Cacophony 