Knowing the need for action, not knowing on what to act.

Knowing the need to change, not knowing what to change.

Knowing desire, not knowing what to desire.

Knowing pressure, not knowing release.

Knowing God, not knowing the world; knowing the world, not knowing God.

Wanting apathy, knowing doubt.

Doubt.

Doubting change, knowing loathing.

Doubting hope, knowing depression.

Doubting good, knowing cynicism.

Doubting, despairing, derelict.

Apathy: known defense and catharsis returns.

Ticking. The incessant ticking of the clock, and steady murmur of the HVAC. An insufferable weight of contemplation growing denser with each tick. Tick, unavoidable loss. Tick, unsure future. Tick, diverging paths. Tick, financial pressures. Tick, relational anxiety. Tick, doctrinal wrestling. Tick, questioning calling. Tick, duking depression. Tick, emotional whirlwind. Tick, existential echoes. Tick, tick, tick…

…silence.

The clock still ticking without sound. The HVAC still blowing without whisper. The web of thought has muted exterior distraction. Suffocating, paralyzing, inescapable. Then, one enters the room. Talking, the clock tocks its ticking. Talking, the HVAC gently resumes whooshing. Talking, the coffee pot gurgles. Talking, the birds sing. Talking. Talking about nothing, talking about news, talking about life, talking about Scriptures.

Peace. Peace from the sun shining. Peace from sipping coffee. Peace in sharing experience and pain. Peace in discussing, peace in the Scriptures, peace in God. Peace: weight lifting, fear lifting, existence lifting in the ticking and the talking.