I have lost it. I have lost the music. My life used to be full of music. I was always whistling, humming, singing, making song references, playing it in the background, writing it, arranging it, performing it, practicing it. The constancy of melody pervaded every aspect of my life. You might say that my life itself had a melody, harmony, and rhythm. Even at low points there was always music playing, or I was playing the music.

But now its gone. I do not listen to music like I used to, nor play it. My entire life, as it were, has been thrown into a cacophony. The only consistent beat is that of my own heart and the pedal tone of daily life, not even a moment of syncopation has graced me.

It is a paralyzing numbness; an apathetically resignation to the defeat and depression that has ensnared me. I have no beat, no conductor to place me back on track, no muse to break anew a melody of simplest composition. I am not even left with pain from the previous tri-tones that sounded ceaseless in my psyche without resolution. I am left with a cold carelessness. The caesura from solace has lengthened to an indefinite period of rest, or rather restlessness. I fear that the melody will never resume. Can I cope with a simple, jaded beat with no tone, pitch, or tambour?

Life was once a symphony of sorrow and celebration. Even the lowest points became moving adagios breaking forth into rondos and revelries. But the compound time is gone, the purpose of the piece is forfeit, the sound reduced to the faintest of pianissimos, if there be a sound at all.

I yearn for some music to return. Even a dirge would be welcomed to the maddening silence which currently vexes my conscientiousness. I cannot say I wish for my beat to cease, but how loathsome its place in the grand symphony be. How weakened and insignificant it has become. I desire that the Great Conductor, the Maestro of maestros, to return to me a melody. He will have to provide the score, for I cannot compose it on my own, nor would I be able to arrange it were He to send it my way.